By Funke Egbemode
Walking away from a relationship is never easy. The temptation is always to wait for another couple of months and see if he would stop being a leech or if she would stop cheating on you. But too often, too late, a player is always a player, cheaters hardly ever stop. As you will soon find out, a leech is a leech. If you have invested in the wrong concern, it is better to divest and move on to more profitable things. Holding on may look like you are brave and long-suffering, but please, must you suffer in a relationship that is going nowhere fast? Let go, dear. Walk.
Never ever forget that you can’t force anyone to love you. If you need to beg him or her to stay with you, what you feel is not love and it is time to let go. A man you blackmail not to leave you or you are considering trapping with pregnancy, real or fake, is not your man. Even if he stays, he’s only there in body, not in spirit.
Although it feels like it, the end of a relationship is not the end of life. Not all relationships have happy endings. Love leaves you sometimes. It does not mean you are cursed or jinxed. Just learn the lesson and move on. The right person will come. It may take a while, but the right person is always worth the wait. As the saying goes, you must kiss a few frogs before your prince charming comes along.
If you are in a relationship where you are constantly having to sacrifice your happiness to please your partner, you are not on to a good thing. You have to pretend to be a teacher because his mum doesn’t want him to marry a lawyer. You have to pretend you do not have a PhD because his ego is fragile and he’s thin-skinned. You have to pretend your brand new car is ‘tokunbo’ because it would make him “feel somehow.” You are in the wrong place.
You may be managing it now, but a few years down the road, you will resent him and what he has turned you into. A woman who demands but supplies no value to your life is only good for a short ride. If you allow a girl to make more withdrawals than deposits in your life, you will be out of balance and in the red before you know it. You must know when to close the account and take stock. It’s always better to be alone with dignity than to be in a relationship that constantly requires you to sacrifice your happiness and self-respect.
Is your relationship giving you more pain than joy? Do you wonder more why you are in it than wishing you had met your partner earlier? Don’t be so blinded by past happy moments that you forget the unhappiness it brings you. If your relationship leaves you frustrated, upset, unhappy, and miserable more often than not—if it leaves you in tears every so often—perhaps this might not be the right person for you.
The relationship you are in now should bring you happiness now. It is simple: in business, the aim is to make profit. In a relationship, it is happiness—and it has no substitute.
Any kind of abuse, physical or verbal, is a definite no-no. If he hits you, slaps you around, or punches you to make a point, it is time to let him go. Forget the beautiful gifts and nice words that follow; there is clearly something wrong—and you too must question why you have stayed this long.
If her way of expressing anger is destructive, it is time to start walking—and keep walking. Those extreme moments reveal deeper issues that need addressing. Emotional abuse is trickier because only the victim feels it. You have told yourself long enough that things will get better. It hasn’t. It won’t. Time to walk away is now.
She believes in God. He believes in science. The two of them aren’t heading in the same direction, so boarding the same train will be a mistake. For any relationship to work, the parties involved must share fundamental beliefs and values. These values are the pillars that will hold the relationship together during inevitable storms.
If your core values are fundamentally different, love alone will not be enough. When the storm comes, holding the relationship together will be like trying to hold soil together in a mudslide.
Are you both growing, or is the relationship holding one of you back? If you are honest with yourself, has this relationship altered your life’s purpose?
You have a calling, but she has given you an ultimatum that conflicts with it. You are hoping she will change, praying endlessly—but you are not married yet. If she is truly meant for you, why is she opposing your purpose?
Sisi, you dream of becoming the first female Senior Advocate of Nigeria (SAN) in your village, but the man in your life has made it clear his wife will not work. Now you are learning cake-making just to please him. Take a step back and examine your future. Are you on the path you truly desire?
If the only reason you are changing your life is to keep him, then you need to think again. He may be mean, abusive, lazy, or unambitious—but you are holding on because of a proposal and a ring. Ask yourself: will marriage change him? The answer is often no.
You do not live in the past or the future—you live in the present. Are you happy now?
It is okay to hope for better days, but not in a situation that is clearly broken. Take a good look at what you have. If he is who he is now, why do you think a wedding will transform him?
In all, when you give yourself to someone who does not add value to your life, you surrender pieces of your soul that you may never get back.